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Spectrum View

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Cynthia Simms
Host of
Spectrum View

Latest Entries

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• Saturday Morning
• Procrastination
• Good Weeks, Bad Weeks
• Expert
• Pants on Fire

Expert

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I have become an expert . . . at knowing nothing.
 
I used to think I was an expert at everything.  I knew public relations and marketing, writing, editing, filmmaking, speaking French, being a mother, being a friend . . . you name it, I knew it.  I lived it, breathed it, got paid for it – yes, I felt like an expert in a lot of areas.  I could have gone on the TODAY show and talked about a lot of different subjects with a pretty significant amount of confidence.
 
Lately, though, I seem to barely be able to remember my name, let alone any of the skills I acquired through my years of education and employment.  Maybe it’s something that happens to you when you become a stay-at-home mother – you don’t really have to know “facts.”  You just have to be able to keep the house running – kids in clean clothes, dinner on the table at the appointed time, enough information gleaned from tv talk shows and news programs to keep a conversation going.  None of those things are making me feel like an expert – more like a well-trained monkey (no offense to monkeys.)  
 
I’m sure I’m not alone in this boat – I suspect many moms, and especially those who have to become “experts” in raising a special needs child, have experienced this “mom brain” phenomenon – but I am feeling like the captain of the ship this morning, and the ship is sinking.
 
I will never regret my decision to stay home with my kids.  I think they needed it, and I’m very lucky to have been able to choose this life for a while.  But I think the only way to start feeling intelligent again is to get back into the game.  I either have to go back to a paying job where I am expected to produce results every day, or go back to school planning to learn some new skills and maybe redevelop some old ones.  It’s time to do something that makes me feel like I’m more than just an observer of other people’s expertise.
 
Or maybe I just need to blog more – I feel better already.      

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